Outside In
by MLynnBloom
Summary: Fiona doubts her decision in staying on the Carmelita with her brother and contemplates whether she should make some drastic decisions. -one shot-


**Title:** Outside In

**Disclaimer: **"Commonsense" which here, according to Sunny, might translate to, "Do I really need to explain every time on what belongs to whom?"

**Summary:** Fiona doubts her decision in staying on the _Carmelita_ with her brother and contemplates whether she should make some drastic decisions.

**A/N:** Obviously, spoilers to those who haven't read TGG. Pretty unlikely to what might happen next on the _Carmelita_ for the crew, but it's nice to imagine, right? -wink-

* * *

There is a phrase that goes, "looking from the outside in", which in short simply means "looking in from the outside". You could be looking into a fishbowl at your pet goldfish, considering that you are definitely outside of it, or into a window from the outside of a secret meeting you've been banned to attend. Either way, whenever you do happen to be looking from the outside in, there is always a small feeling of desire to somehow be included inside as well.

There was a small splash as Fiona stepped out of the porthole and out into the dark tunnel of the _Carmelita_. She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose as she kept her hand on the slippery side of the _Queequeg_. Through a musty window right above her she could see the familiar kitchen, now empty.

_I'm part of the _Carmelita_ now_, Fiona thought stubbornly as she looked through the window but on the outside looking in, she felt a strange urge to go back.

The _Queequeg_ lurched forward suddenly and Fiona stepped back, finally taking her hand off the side. She knew the _Queequeg_ so well she could have walked through it with her eyes closed, even though there is really no point in walking around like that. She had studied mycology countless times in that very submarine that for a split moment, she wanted to climb back in the _Queequeg_ to help the Baudelaires, to read her books again, to find her stepfather somehow... but it was too late.

Slowly the submarine made its way down the tunnel, making small waves in the shallow water that splashed up against her knees. Klaus hurried past one of the windows. She gave a little wave, but he had already left and hadn't even glanced at the window. Within a minute the _Queequeg_ turned the corner, scraping up against the _Carmelita_'s side, and disappeared.

"_What have you done!?_"

Count Olaf's voice boomed through the hollow tunnel as he stood in the dripping doorway with the helmet of Medusoid Mycelium still in his hands and Esmé by his side. His eyes bore into hers until Fiona could not look at him any longer.

Esmé grabbed Olaf's arm and shushed him. Fiona suddenly remembered the menacing shape on the radar as well, but Count Olaf still looked as if he was going to scream right in her face.

"How could you let them go?" Olaf hissed. Carmelita and the hook-handed man appeared behind them. "We had them right in the palm of our hands!" Olaf finished and gripped the helmet, stepping forward threateningly.

"I, well---they..." Fiona stuttered weakly but Esmé interrupted.

"Look, Triangle Eyes. It's not 'in' to tell us that you would take the orphans to brig and it's definitely _never_ 'in' to let our hostages go," Esmé snapped haughtily.

Count Olaf stood in front of her and abruptly bent down beside her face with a nasty smirk. "And if you are for the other side, then you made a horrible mistake in staying," Olaf murmured only for her to hear, "You're outnumbered here, so there's nowhere to go while we're underwater. Not even your brother will help you unless I tell him to while he is a part of my troupe."

Fiona's heart raced as she winced at his last word. Olaf smiled. It was the kind of reaction he was looking for.

Carmelita twirled in place, bored already with the whole dilemma. "We could always just lock her in the brig," Carmelita suggested casually, "I could wear the key around my neck and be the only tap-dancing ballerina fairy princess veterinarian warden in the world!"

"Of course," Olaf said slowly and grinned even more terribly, "She could always _volunteer_ to take the Baudelaires' place!" The troupe laughed, save for the hook-handed man who gave a forced chuckle.

"An orphan taking the orphans' place!" Esmé giggled.

"I am not an orphan," Fiona mumbled firmly but no one had heard her.

Olaf left laughing and even added a ridiculous, "Hee hee ha hula-hoop!" as he disappeared into the main body of the _Carmelita_. Carmelita left with Esmé who flipped her hair as she laughed; Fiona could see her mother's ruby ring still on her finger. She tried to swallow down the lump in her throat.

The hook-handed man did not leave and stiffly stood by the dripping doorway. Fiona's legs shook but she forced herself to walk.

"Fernald..." Fiona began but Fernald pushed her out of the tunnel with his hooks.

The submarine was dead silent, and then the _Carmelita_ felt as if it was being yanked forward as the mechanical legs of the submarine started to churn at full speed. Fernald stopped in the middle of the hallway and Fiona looked across to the room with the large green radar. She could see the strange question mark shaped figure in the corner of the grid. It was clearer than before and was creeping slowly towards them.

Fiona didn't dare to raise her voice above a hush. "Fernald," she said again. She was almost tempted to ask him what Olaf told her was true but he turned sharply towards her.

"Why did you let them escape? Do you know how long we have been after them?" Fernald spat. "You chose to stay here and let me tell you there's no turning back once you join Olaf. He'll burn your life down until there is nothing else left if you back out now."

Fiona looked frustratingly into his face. Behind the anger in his eyes, Fiona could see something new, something that made her want to scream—fear. "So that's it then? That's why you have stayed with Olaf's troupe all these years... because you're too cowardly to leave him and come home?"

Fernald turned red but she went on, her voice trembling, "You left me and mother and everyone else and you never came back. You only stayed to save your own neck."

Fernald clenched his jaw and pressed one of his icy, metal hooks under her chin. "And I paid with my hands," he growled and he continued, his voice almost as cold as his hooks. "Now you heard what I said. You joined us, you listen to us, or you _will _end up in the brig with that Medusoid Mycelium of yours."

Fiona felt as if her heart stopped. Olaf's words were flooding back into her mind and as Fernald turned to leave, she choked out in a broken voice, "I only stayed so we could be a family again! I did it because of you!"

Count Olaf turned sharply around from the radar glaring. She didn't mean to say it that loud and Fernald gave Olaf an apologetic nod before pushing Fiona down the hallway again with a hook pressed into her back. He walked fast down the hall and into the room where the Snow Scouts were rowing furiously as Esmé whipped her tagliatelle grande above their heads.

"Go and make yourself useful and row," Fernald muttered harshly before striding across the room to stand with Esmé and Carmelita, who was shrieking commands in a ghastly singsong voice.

Fiona stood still for a moment, unable to move. The children made room for her to sit, and Fiona sat down and rowed, moving almost as mechanically as the _Carmelita_.

He had changed. He wasn't the same person. Fernald had played cards with her, read poetry, asked her riddles... he was everything to her when she was younger. He had been her brother.

She could feel tears stinging her eyes as her arms already became sore with rowing. He had only been a small part of her childhood but her mother dead and her stepfather never hesitating to spend time with her, Fernald was whom she called family.

Or had been.

The _Carmelita_ was moving faster than ever as Esmé strolled past the benches. The vessel shuddered and creaked and as Fiona and the Snow Scouts looked up towards the ceiling, drops of water fell on their upturned faces. Fiona could see them gripping their oars even tighter, hoping the _Carmelita_ was stable enough to keep going. She didn't even want to think about drowning, but it stuck in her head on top of all the other thoughts that flashed through her mind...

When her mother died.

When she raced paper boats in the rain puddles with Fernald.

When she first read about Charles Peck, the famous mycologist.

When she left the land for sea.

When she found Fernald again.

The tagliatelle grande whipped dangerously above her head as Esmé sneered down at them, but Fiona barely noticed. Her burning cheeks were streaked with tears.

_This isn't the way things ought to be_, Fiona thought.

Olaf strode into the room. He threw his arms up and shouted, "Stop! Stop your rowing and don't move!" and the submarine became deathly silent. Out her window in the dark sea, the mammoth shadow of the foreboding ship was coming closer towards her. She dared to glance over at Fernald who was stock-still next to Olaf, clinging to his every word like Olaf said he would.

And as the ominous shape grew closer, Fiona was lost in her thoughts once again. _No. Olaf was wrong. Fernald would never abandon me_, Fiona thought, _I am his sister... he loves me, he must._ Then why was he doing this? Making her row like the prisoners, threatening her with his hooks...

She watched him, standing rigid and quiet, looking among the children with his eyes not once passing over her face. Fiona didn't bother to wipe the tears off her glasses as she hung her head. She knew now... she realized he only saw her as one of the other faceless children in a sea of captives. But even Fiona was unaware that she had overlooked the shadow of regret and pity on Fernald's face as the guilt grew in his chest.

Hundreds of feet above her window, she could slightly see the water on the surface shimmering in its deep green glow. She wanted to get out. To get out of the submarine, out of the sea, out with the Baudelaires, out anywhere. As much as she hated to tell herself, she knew she had made a horrible mistake in staying, for Fernald had forgotten all about his family.

And that was when the thought hit her as if she had plunged into the icy depths of the sea.

She didn't have to be here. With one move, one shout she could give them all away. Her stepfather told her it more evil than she could know though...

_Get up._

If it was more sinister than she could imagine, why was Olaf eager to get away from it? Evil is on the same side, isn't it?

_Do it. Give them away._

Perhaps it was the V.F.D. all along. Perhaps her stepfather was mistaken... perhaps this was why Olaf was running. Perhaps Olaf feared and knew all along that he, in fact, had been outnumbered.

_She who hesitates is lost. Now._

It all happened too fast. She was on the floor and the room spinning in front of her.

Had she really pounded on the walls and shouted? Yes... she could hear the hollow boom echoing in her ears as she thought about how hard she had beaten with her fists. She could remember Olaf running over to her and pulling her away from the side of the_ Carmelita_, throwing her aside.

Someone was yelling... Olaf was yelling. The words didn't make any sense and she strained to make her foggy mind concentrate. Her vision started to come back but remained blurry as Olaf stood over her, his face screwed up in a look of mixed rage and panic.

"You stupid girl!" Olaf roared before hurrying away to figure out a way to escape, but Fiona knew he would have strangled her if he had the chance. All of the Snow Scouts looked around scared.

Someone was pulling her up and her vision came back as she felt her glasses settle back on her face. It was Fernald and for the first time from the moment she found him again on the _Carmelita_, something about his face had changed.

"Why did you do that, Fiona? They picked up our signal once you started to pound the walls and... do you have any idea what might happen to us now?" Fernald said hoarsely as he supported her upright on the cold floor. She finally noticed what had changed. The glint of spite in his eyes had melted and he looked concerned. He looked like her brother.

"I did it because of you," Fiona said and the words came out short and emotionless. Outside of the murky windows she could see the side of the submarine up against their own. A deep pounding was rumbling throughout the submarine as if someone was trying to get in.

For the first time, Fiona noticed everyone was frozen in their places. No one looked sure to what to expect or whom, good or bad. There was no turning back, just as Fernald had said.

Fiona sat on the ground beside Fernald as the room stopped spinning and instead of looking from the outside in like she had with the _Queequeg_, she was staring through the _Carmelita'_s windows from the inside out.

She had a strong urge to be included out.


End file.
